


In Front of the Lights, Behind the Camera

by Yiffandquiff (princesslexi763)



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Fingering, M/M, NSFW, Smut, adult film star!dan, cameraman!phil, onscreen sex with other people
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-08
Updated: 2018-02-17
Packaged: 2019-03-15 15:06:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 15,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13615923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/princesslexi763/pseuds/Yiffandquiff
Summary: When Dan Howell became a model as a teenager, he expected that his face would be used for clothing launches and runways. But suddenly, his once pristine appearance changes and he’s left with nowhere to go in the modeling industry. One night, he finds an application for something different–completely absurd really–and decides to take a shot. Not long after, he becomes well known adult film star James Colin and finds himself in front of the similar lights of those of a modeling shoot. But then he meets Phil Lester, who appears to be an arrogant cameraman with nothing better to do than snap at him. And slowly, Dan sees something that he wants a little bit more than the fame, money, and the attention.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Welp, here we are! This fic is my new baby. Literally I’ve been working on this forever and I’m so happy I can finally share it with everyone! As of right now, I’ll post a new part every week for the next four weeks but if something happens that alters this, I’ll let you all know! I wanted to write this because I saw way too many people get the porn industry completely wrong in their works. As someone who has studied this industry, had classes on it, and watched documentaries regarding the backstage of this type of entertainment, I felt like I could really do it justice. And I want others to be aware that this is as close to the actual industry as I can get. Hope you all enjoy! Happy reading! :)

Dan was always told that he had a face made for the camera. At the age of sixteen, he was given his first modeling job: it was a small job but it still gave him a paycheck and a confidence boost. When he was seventeen, he was casted for his first runway show. He walked in Steven Madden but came out feeling like Versace.

But then when he was eighteen, he was diagnosed with depression, and put on Citalopram. To his friends, they couldn’t figure out how someone like Dan, a model for a magazine and for the runway, was so depressed. But the demons in his head wouldn’t go away, the numbness never faded. His medication made him gain weight, and with his sudden weight gain and no longer chiseled jawline, no modeling agency wanted him anymore.

And yeah, he was eighteen, good looking, and had the portfolio to make up for it, but that still didn’t make the difference when he was stood clad in his underwear in front of a panel of ‘judges’ who wanted him to be so thin his ribs nearly protrude from his skin.

And at eighteen, he could have easily went back to college to pursue a fashion degree or he could have went for any route that involved a passion that he enjoyed. But instead, he stumbled upon a porn website when he was browsing late one night. It was a well-know gay male site, but to Dan, that didn’t matter. All he saw were hundreds of naked guys flashing their penis on the screen and then a massive red star that stated _IN NEED OF A JOB? WE’RE AUDITIONING. FILL OUT THIS FORM AND SET UP AN INTERVIEW AND AN AUDITION._

In Dan’s mind, of course this was fucking crazy. How could he go from being a proper model to an adult film model? How could that happen? Well, pretty damn easily when he happened to click on the link and he was taken to a third party application that asked him question upon question about everything from sex to his education level. And then a verification to say he was definitely over the legal age of eighteen.

At the end of the day–or more like twenty minutes later–his mouse was hovering over the submit button and he was clawing at his palms and biting the inside of his cheek until he started tasting copper.

His mouse suddenly clicked and a little pop up on the screen said _“thanks for your application! A representative from our agency will be contacting you soon.”_

And he knew then that his fate was probably sealed. But hey, try new things right?

Later that night, he was laying in bed watching the new season of American Horror Story when an email popped up from a person at the adult agency. He clicked on the email and read it over:

_Dear Dan,_

_Thanks for you application to Cocky Men Industries. We thank you for your inquiry with working with us. We now ask that in order to complete your application and get an interview time set up with you, that you send us the appropriate images listed below:_

  1. _Head shot_
  2. _Body shot_
  3. _Body shot in underwear_
  4. _Body shot naked_
  5. _A picture of your license / passport / birth certificate to authenticate your age_



_Please send these files in a form of a jpeg or pdf.  
We look forward to receiving your pictures. Best regards, _

_Adam, Cocky Man Industries CEO_

Dan stared at his phone, looking it over again and again. This had to be sketchy right? Sending your photos to someone that you didn’t even know? But he needed a job and this could be interesting. So he went through his album on his phone and decided on his good headshot and then a nice body shot before he stood up and took the other two photos required. He then grabbed his license and took a picture of that before sending the email and biting his lip.

He had trouble sleeping that night over the anxiety of actually working as an adult film star. He had watched his fair share of porno’s during his teenage years but to actually be in one would be completely different.

If only he had known just how much more different it would have been, maybe he would have changed his mind and deleted the email instead of replying to it?

* * *

Dan found out that his interview was scheduled at their Hollywood location on a Monday at 3pm. Being from the New York, he quite dreaded knowing he was going to have to fly to California just for a porn interview… _a porn interview_ …that sounded so weird and foreign to him.

He arrived in L.A the night before and was set up in a nice hotel per the request of the company. And on the other bright side, his company also paid for any expenses needed to make it to California such as a plane ticket.

But once he was in the studio itself, which was a really nice house situated in Burbank, he found that maybe this job was going to be really nice. He was greeted at the door by a large male in all black clothing, his stature completely intimidating to Dan. But once inside, he saw way more than what he was expecting.

First off, he wasn’t expecting how much on an actual set this house would look like. Lights, cameras, screens, clothing…it was everywhere. People were bustling around, make up artists were spilling their brushes on the floor. Men were half naked and poised in chairs, make up setting powder being dabbed onto their skin.

It was all very overwhelming for Dan.

But then a tall brunette man walked up to Dan and stuck his hand out in a friendly gesture. “Hello! I’m Adam, the CEO of the company. I normally don’t stick around the set but since we’re doing your interview, I decided to stick around. Follow me this way and I’ll take you to the interview room.”

Dan listened to Adam as he followed him down this long hallway to a stairway that led to the second floor of the house. As he trudged up the stairs, Adam explained some of the procedures they used in their company such as they always used condoms unless both actors have been tested. They also never do shoots that show non-consensual acts. And they also always made sure that the actor saw their film and okayed it before it was released on their website. All of that made Dan feel _slightly_ better.

Once upstairs, they entered a room and Dan stopped dead in his tracks as Adam continued in. There was a single black couch with a coffee table in front of it. And Dan knew instantly what type of ‘interview’ this was going to be. He saw them online all the time. He should have known but his mind thought they were completely staged. But they weren’t. This was real. And Dan was going to be _fucked hard_ within the next twenty minutes.

When Dan entered further, Adam weaved his way behind him and shut the door, securing it shut. “Sit down on the couch please.”

Dan blinked a few times and nodded hesitantly, walking slowly over to the black couch and sitting down, instantly feeling _gross_ at the idea of what had gone on on this couch–multiple times no doubt.

“So, this is just a standard thing we do here.” Adam started. “We’re going to do a basic interview and then your audition begins.”

Dan took in a breath and slowly let it go.

“Are you okay with this?”

Dan nodded slowly as he relaxed into the couch–or relaxed as much as he could.

Dan looked out in front of him and spotted the black camcorder next to Adam with the red light glowing like an eye directly at him. He was beginning to wonder what the hell he did to even be involved in this. _Maybe he should just leave._

But something was keeping him sitting on the couch, his ass firmly planted onto the leather. Maybe it was the thrill of doing this. What would his parent’s think of him doing this? What would his friends think?

What would the _world_ think knowing that precious up-and-coming model Daniel Howell is doing porn?

 _Well fuck all them_.

“Okay, first things first. State your age and your name.”

Dan nodded and spoke softly. “My name is Dan and I’m 18.”

“Perfect.” Adam spoke, now reading off from a piece of white paper. “What brought you here today?”

I was watching porn and somehow found myself on your application?

“I really like sex.” _Okay, that seems like a logical answer for someone whose only slept with one person and that was an ex-boyfriend in high school._

Adam cocked an eyebrow. “Oh really?” He asked. “How much so?”

“I sometimes think I’m a sex addict. That I can’t get enough of it.”

“Ooh, you’re making our jobs easier than?” Adam said. “I love that.”

Dan smiled at him.

“If I was to ask you if you would allow me to see your skills, would you consent?”

Dan, although a little bit hesitant at first, nodded. “Yes, I would.”

“Perfect.”

Adam set down the piece of paper and walked over to the couch, sitting down beside Dan. When Dan looked down, he could see the evident bulge in Adam’s jeans and he tried to not let the thought of a stranger doing something to him revolt him because he _was_ consenting to this. He did want this a lot.

Adam leaned in and kissed Dan. And Dan didn’t know what to do at first. The kiss didn’t even start as a normal kiss. It was all tongue and sloppy and well gross. But Dan tried to be into it, he kissed back, his mouth opening for Adam’s eager tongue. But it didn’t feel right. Adam was too experienced and Dan _wasn’t._

Without any notice, Adam’s hand was moving down Dan’s body, and palming him hard through his jeans. Dan had to admit the sensations were enough to spark his eighteen year old body into action.

“Do you like cock, baby boy?”

“Yeah.” Dan breathed out, trying to act the part they wanted.

“How about you suck mine then?”

Dan swallowed and nodded, leaning down and moving his hands to make quick work of unbuttoning Adam’s jeans. He managed to get them unbuttoned as he reached inside his boxers and fished out his cock. It was hot and heavy, not nearly as big as Dan’s ex but he wasn’t going to say anything. It was semi-hard and ready for action so Dan leaned down, took a deep breath, and put the head into his mouth. He sucked, hallowing his cheeks as he tried to ignore the musty scent breaking out over his tongue.

He felt Adam harden in his mouth, and he gagged at the sudden length that was filing his throat. He pulled off and took a breath, coughing and sputtering a little before going back down and trying again. He closed his eyes and felt himself move all the way down Adam’s length until it was touching the back of his throat. He took in a breath through his nose and he was suddenly overwhelmed by the feeling of Adam’s pubes tickling his nose.

“Oh fuck, baby. You’re perfect. Your mouth.” Adam was babbling away as his hips kept snapping up and pushing his cock further into Dan’s throat. Dan let it happen until the need to breathe became too much and he forced himself back up, letting out a choked out breath. He bent back down and began to lick his spit that was cascading down Adam’s dick when Adam stopped him.

“Come on, baby. Let’s get you undressed so I can see your perfect ass.”

Dan sits back, wiping the spit from his chin as he feels Adam’s hands prying his jeans apart, the button nearly flying off and the zipper nearly breaking. Dan lifts his butt up, feeling the tug of his skinny jeans down his legs as his body is exposed from the waist down.

For a moment, he feels vulnerable, almost too naked. But he shakes his head of that thought and allows for Adam to grab his thighs and yank him down onto his back on the couch, his ass being lifted in the air. For a split second, scrunches his nose, trying to remember if he shaved back there prior… _he did_.

“Oh baby, you’re so pretty.” Adam bent down and pressed a kiss to Dan’s ass cheek, nipping at the skin slight before he swatted at Dan’s leg. “Get on your hands and knees for me and spread yourself open.”

Dan turned on the couch as best he could without it appearing to be awkward, lifting his ass in the air and reaching behind, grabbing his own ass and spreading himself wide. He felt slightly humiliated doing this, being so exposed in front of a stranger and a _camera_.

And then there was a mouth on him. He felt the scruff of Adam’s stubble rub against his hands and then the wet, flat feeling of his tongue being pressed against his rim. He’d never had this done before, it was so foreign. He let out an involuntary moan.

Adam shoved his hands away and replaced them with his own as Dan grabbed the end of the couch and gripped the black leather, moaning out and whimpering. He arched his back as Adam’s hands roamed up his back, pushing his shirt up and exposing his skin. Adam continued to kiss and lick his sensitive rim before pulling away, the couch creaking under him as he moved away.

Dan turned his head, catching the sight of jeans being thrown out of the corner of his vision. He swallowed back a lump of nerves in his throat and took a deep breath as he spotted a shirt and a pair of boxers being thrown in a heap next to him.

“Remove your shirt, beautiful.”

Dan sat back on his heels, reaching down and tugging his black shirt off and throwing it to the floor. “Turn onto your back and spread your legs as you put them up in the air.”

Dan nodded and turned around, wincing at the cool leather touching his skin as he tried to relax. His penis was laying hard against his stomach, leaving a trail of precum and he briefly wondered why he was even hard during this. This wasn’t normal.

But then again, _nothing_ about this situation was going to be normal.

He watched as Adam bent down beside the couch and reached, pulling out a bottle of lube and a foil wrapper. He looked on as Adam slid the condom down his length and then poured a generous amount of lube down his cock. Suddenly, Adam was over top of him, he breath hot and heavy on his neck as his cock pressed hard against Dan’s rim and Dan felt his body give way. He kept his legs up, around Adam’s waist resting as Adam pushed in, wasting no time.

Dan whimpered and moaned, the sensations of being fucked were always good, but this time felt so much more different. This was much more arousing him for. He actually felt a rush of adrenaline at actually having sex on camera with a stranger.

He put his arms around Adam’s neck and whimpered, feeling Adam thrust fast and hard inside of him. He allowed himself to be used, the sound of Adam’s groaning loud in his ear.

It was over soon. Extremely soon actually. And to be fair, Dan didn’t feel much with it. Yeah, he felt pleasure but he wasn’t anywhere near getting off. Adam on the other hand, was pulling out, throwing the used condom on the ground, and jerking off over Dan’s stomach where his cum landed in hot puddles on his flesh.

“God, you were amazing. I never finish that fast.” Adam said, reaching down and grabbing his shirt as he wiped himself off, not even bothering to give Dan anything at the moment.

“Really?” Dan asked.

Adam nodded. “You’re going to be our new star. I can tell!” Adam said, standing up from the couch and rushing over to the table in the corner of the room where the camera was. He opened the drawers and fished out a piece of paper and a pen. Dan didn’t know what to expect so he quietly dressed, ignoring his flagging erection that was deflating rapidly.

Adam walked back over, handing Dan the paper and the pen. “This is your contract. If you sign this form, you will be bound to our company for two years. You’re going to be advertised under a pseudonym of your choosing and you will our newest featured actor. You will be expected to star in any film that we put your name to.” Adam then flipped the first page and showed him the second page. “This here is the confirmation of your pay. You will be paid a starting wage of $500 per shoot. When your ratings show your popularity, which I am one hundred percent sure they will show it fast, you’ll begin to make $750 a shoot and then it will increase as your popularity increases. I have no doubt in my mind that by the end of this year, we will be willing to pay you over $1,000 a shoot, but that’ll be up to the owner.”

Dan’s head spun at all of that information. He looked over the paper and read through it carefully as Adam stood, naked still, in front of him and held the paper out to him. He took a deep breath and smiled, taking the paper from Adam and signed both of the forms.

Adam smiled at him. “Welcome aboard Dan!” He said. “I’ll let Kellie know that you signed with us and she will meet with you here to do your photoshoot and fill out the rest of the information for our website.”

 _Okay_. Dan thought. _Now I have officially signed the paper and Kellie will be here in a second._

Adam finished dressing, not saying another word to do as he yanking his pants up on his legs and then buttoned them. He threw his shirt on and then headed over to the camera, turning it off and opening the chapter on the side, pulling out the SD card. Dan watched as he pocketed the SD card and walked out of the room, leaving him alone.

Not wanting to sit back down on the couch, Dan stood and waited. There wasn’t much in the room. It was quite literally just a couch, a coffee table, a small table in the corner with some drawers, and a camera. And there were some small pieces of artwork on the walls that made it feel slightly less like a setup–even though it was.

He spotted the open window where light was shining in and he decided to walk over to it, looking through it and down towards what appeared to be an outdoor pool. He glanced down and was spotted by a scene happening, light-reflectors and camera crew all around the two men who were currently sixty-nining on a pool chair.

He was still looking out the window when the door suddenly opened behind him, making him jump nearly out of his skin. He turned and spotted a short blue haired female walking in with a briefcase and a tall raven haired man entering behind her holding a different camera than the one on the tripod in the corner.

“You must be Dan?” The female asked, putting the briefcase down on the couch and opening it up to reveal all sorts of make up, body glitter, and everything similar to that.

“Yes, I am.”

The female smiled at him and waved her hand. “Hi, I’m Kellie! I’m your makeup artist for your shoot!” She turned to the raven haired male behind her. “This is Phil. He is our photographer and he’ll be taking all of your photos.”

Phil nodded his head towards Dan and Dan blushed and turned his head back to Kellie. “Adam mentioned that I was going to fill out the rest of my paperwork with you?”

Kellie rolled her eyes. “Adam always talks big shit but to answer your questions, I don’t have any paperwork for you. You signed the only paperwork with Adam. My job is to make sure you look _dazzling_ for your photos on your bio page on the website.”

“Oh.”

Kellie smiled at him and pulled out some of the make-up brushes from her case, followed by some glitter and some clear gel in a pot. She motioned for Dan to sit down on the couch and so Dan did, letting her move his head accordingly.

“Hm…thought pink would be your color.” She said putting the glitter away and fishing for another color.

“I typically wear black.”

Kellie turned to him and chuckled, before stopping abruptly and picking up a tube of black glitter. “Actually, black isn’t a bad idea!”

Dan smiled, not saying another word.

Kellie carefully dipped her brush into the clear gel in the glass pot and spread the gel across his cheekbone, highlighting it. She then set down the gel and lifted the glitter, gently putting some on the brush before spreading it down his cheek, following the path of the clear gel. She then put the black glitter away and pulled out a blue, putting the blue along the same area.

“I don’t know why Jake makes me do the same thing with every model.” She said rolling her eyes. “Oh, one streak of glitter down the cheek? Sure, that looks really cool. _Fucking hell_.”

“You don’t like it?” Dan asked with a chuckle.

“I’d like it better if I could make some creative choices with it. Like, doing glitter on the body itself and not just accentuating the face.”

“Then do it on me?” Dan asked.

Kellie shook her head. “Nah.” She said with a laugh. She put down her brushes and the rest of the supplies. “Okay, I’m done. So carefully take off your shirt–if you mess up the glitter, I swear to God–and remove your jeans. Stand over by the wall and wait for Phil’s directions.”

Dan slowly and carefully removed his shirt before slipping his jeans off, left in only his underwear which is appropriately chose Calvin Klein underwear that he got for doing a shoot with the company last summer.

He walked over to the wall, in front of where Phil was stood, setting up the camera on the tripod, and messing around with the viewfinder. Dan stood in front of the camera, moving his hands over his stomach, wishing he could hide behind the wall. He felt very exposed, which is such a weird ultimatum since he just had sex on camera less than twenty minutes ago.

Phil looked up from his camera, blue eyes staring deep in Dan’s brown. “Okay, first shot Jake wants is a head shot, so stand still and don’t move.”

Dan knew what a headshot consisted of, he’s head plenty of them done by modeling agencies. But this was different, and he knew that. He stared straight ahead, smiled with his eyes, and made his face work. And he knew his expression worked when a flush rushed over Phil’s skin, painting him pink.

The click of the camera was familiar.

“Okay, next is a full body shot. But it’s gonna be different. Turn around and face the wall, brace your hands on the wall and turn you head to face me, make sure your butt is popped in my direction.”

Dan made a slight face before turning and doing exactly what was asked of him. He felt awkward, this wasn’t a normal position. It was uncomfortable to stand in. But as he turned his head, he smiled with his eyes again and let the camera do the talking as it clicked.

“Next position is for you to stand straight and gently lower your underwear to just under your butt.”

Dan furrowed his brows as he reached behind himself and slowly slid his underwear down. “Now turn your head back to me.”

Dan turned his head back to Phil and heard the click from the camera.

He slowly put his underwear back up as he turned and waited for the next instruction. The next set of pictures were more just generic shots to show off his body. One of them was him completely naked and squatting down on the ground, another was him on the floor, crawling with his knees spread towards the camera. But he figured if they were for his biography page, he needed to make them count if he wanted money.

Following the shoot, he was getting dressed as Phil took down the camera and Kellie picked up the rest of her supplies, having had to fix Dan’s glitter a few times during the shoot. Kellie left first, before Dan was ready and Phil was all picked up. He was just putting on his shirt when Phil spoke to him, making him jump.

“What brought you into the industry?”

Dan turned to him. “I was a model but I wasn’t hired anywhere anymore so I found this and decided to give it a try.”

“Couldn’t take not getting attention anymore?” Phil asked.

Dan felt the wind get knocked out of his chest as he processed Phil’s words. Phil didn’t even know him. How could he say something like that?

“Excuse me?” Dan asked. “Why are you being rude?”

“Because no one just signs up to become a porn star. You have to have some underlying reasoning for wanting your body exposed for millions of people.”

“You’re in the industry too!” Dan tried to argue, but it came out in a shaken voice and broken words.

“No, I’m not.” Phil said. “I’m just the guy who films the people who expose their bodies to the world.”

“That’s no different.”

Right as Phil was about to speak again, the door opened to the room and Adam stepped in. “Hey guys, I need the room in about a half an hour. Are you almost finished?”

Phil nodded and took the camera in his hand. “Yeah, we’re done here.”

Adam smiled at him. “Good! We need you to help with the pool shoot at one and then you need to be ready to film the solo scene with Mason at four.”

Phil nodded again and walked out of the room, leaving Dan stood there.

“As for you,” Adam said pointing at Dan, “We have your phone number so we’ll be sending you a text later today with your first work schedule. Do you need a place to stay?”

Dan nodded.

“Okay, I’ll have Jake set you up a place to rent. In the meantime, we paid for you to have another night in your hotel. See you soon! We’re done here for today.”

Dan nodded again at Adam and forced a smile. He looked around the room quickly to make sure that he didn’t leave anything sitting around. With Adam staring at him with intent, Dan walked out of the room like it was a walk of shame.

On the way out the door, he spotted Phil stood in the hallway. As Dan walked past him, Phil gave him a side eye glance and Dan found himself rolling his eyes. He didn’t need the judgement of another person in his life. He’s gotten that enough already.

When he got downstairs, he called himself a cab and headed back to the hotel, where he sat for the rest of the evening, waiting for the text about his new schedule.

* * *

Dan’s first shoot began the next day. He was told to arrive back to the same house for the scene by noon so he got there at around eleven, hoping he wasn’t too early.

As soon as he arrived, he was bombarded by different crew members that were trying to prepare him. He was having clothing thrown at him, make up was blowing in the air, foundation running down the sides of the container as the artist tried to put some on his face and soon realized he wasn’t that shade as she was mid pump.

But that wasn’t the worst of it all. The worst of it was the clothing. But then again, to Dan, the clothing wasn’t all that terrible. Or at least not until they told him he was filming a massage scene and would only be wearing a pair of skimpy underwear. And then his self-consciousness took a full turn and he became hyper aware of the scene that was about to unfold.

When his make-up was done, he was sent to another room where he was told to drink plenty of water and make sure to clean himself and use the restroom as many times as needed. So he drank a bottle of water to hydrate his muscles and then cleaned himself in the bathroom. When he walked back out from the bathroom into the room, he was greeted by a large muscled man, standing well over Dan’s own six foot frame.

“Hey, James right?”

Dan nodded. James was his middle name and when asked what pseudonym he wanted to go by, he gave that one being that it would be the most obvious and easy one for him to choose. But he was still getting used to being called that instead of Dan.

“Cool! You’re my scene partner for today!” The man stuck his hand out in a friendly gesture. “I’m ‘Ten inch’ Tim.”

Dan choked back whatever liquid he was holding in his mouth at the time and let out a loud cough, trying to escape the feeling of swallowing down the wrong way.

‘Ten inch’ Tim winked at Dan and laughed. “I get that reaction all the time. I hope you’re stretched and ready to go. They normally don’t put the newcomers with me but you’re in luck. I haven’t been in a scene in nearly a month and I’m due for one.”

Dan stared at him, sure his eyes looked wide and childlike, as if he was seeing a stranger for the first time in a store and the stranger was trying to speak with him. “Any reason why they gave you that name?”

Tim laughed and nodded. “You’ll find out in a half an hour, cutie.” Tim then reached in his pocket of his sweatpants and pulled out a piece of folded paper. “These are your lines. Jake told me to me that you have to have these memorized. But they’re not that long.”

Dan undid the paper and read the lines in his head.

_Hi, I’m here for the massage._

_Up on the table?_

_Do I need to be undressed?_

Those were literally it. He was grateful they were super short because he was sure his nerves would get in the way of him actually being able to memorize a set of lines.

“I need to go help set up but I’ll see you in a half an hour.”

Tim winked at Dan and smirked before heading out of the room. Dan stood back and let the breath escape his mouth. How in the _fuck_ was he going to be able to do this? He’s never taken someone that big before and holy shit, if he’s actually ten inches, what is Dan going to do? That’s so much? He’ll be split in half!

But he knew he was going to receive his check after the shoot and when he sees that sum of money, he would remember why this is an okay thing to do. He looked at his phone one last time in his pocket and then took a seat in one of the chairs as he opened another bottle of water and began sipping it.

* * *

Dan walked onto the set and instantly felt intimidated. There were four different cameras, all lined up to catch different angles. And there were four different men working each camera.

One of them was Phil.

But Dan kind of expected that. He had heard Phil’s name mentioned multiple times while he was waiting around so he knew that Phil had to be a great cameraman for their company. Which also made him feel pretty okay because that will mean he’ll get a good video as his first video.

“Okay, James,” Dan turned his head to the voice of the director of the scene who was stood behind the cameramen. “When I say go, I want you to walk into frame towards Tim, and say your first line.”

Dan thought back in his head. _What was his first line again? Oh, yeah, he remembered now._

“Okay, go!”

Dan slowly walked into frame, looking towards Tim who had his back turned towards him. “Hi, I’m here for the massage.”

Tim turned to him. “You must be my ten o’clock. James, right?”

Dan nodded and smirked.

“Cut!” The director yelled out and all of the cameras stopped rolling.

Dan turned, wondering if it was something he did. But when he saw the director toss Tim a condom and a bottle of lube, he knew it wasn’t anything he did. They were just preparing for the rest of the scene.

“Okay, continue!”

The red lights on the cameras flash on again.

Tim turns to Dan. “Can you get up here for me?” he pats the fake massage table.

“Up on the table?”

Tim nods.

“Do I need to be undressed?” Dan asks.

Time smiles. “Remove everything and cover your butt with the small towel on the table.”

Dan smiles up at Tim as he turns to give Dan some ‘privacy’. Dan turns slowly around to the director who nods his head and Dan slowly drops his white robe from his shoulders onto the floor. He’s now in just a g-string and he slowly puts his fingers under the waistband to lower them as well. When he’s fully naked, he turns, flashing his butt to the cameras before getting up on the table and covering the butt with the towel.

As he lays there, hearing Tim move around him, he suddenly feels pretty good about how graceful he seemed just then. He’s normally so awkward he can’t even stand himself.

He feels a warm drizzle happen over his spine and he moans out, not even meaning to, causing Tim to chuckle over him. “It’s just coconut oil, love.”

Dan felt as Tim’s strong hands ran over his back, firmly pressing his muscles and for a split second, he felt so relaxed as if he was getting a legitimate massage. Tim’s technique wasn’t professional or perfect but it was damn near it.

Next, Tim’s hands were roaming down his back, towards his butt where the towel was seemingly removed now. And Tim’s hands were squeezing him, kneading his ass in ways he couldn’t began to describe. Then Tim was separating his cheeks, exposing his hole to everyone in the room. He could feel that he was blushing, hoping that his flushed skin wouldn’t show in that area.

Then Tim was slowly drizzling the coconut oil down his lower back and over his hole, the sensations making Dan shudder and whimper. It was unlike anything he’d ever felt before. He was ready for Tim to continue his touching until he realized that this massage was quite literally going to be just that…because now Tim was kneading his thigh and calf muscles carefully. Leaving the rest of his body neglected but the feeling of the pleasure from the simple massage was making Dan painfully hard against the table.

Tim worked down his legs and managed to get to his feet, kneading the muscles in his arch really carefully before moving back up. He then moved back up, his hands slipping up Dan’s oiled muscles. Dan shuddered and let out a whimper, the feeling so good.

What Tim did next made Dan jump. Tim carefully put both of his hands on Dan’s ass and squeezed his cheeks tightly together before spreading them apart and repeating the action. And when Dan thought that was something new, there was suddenly a tongue on him, licking his rim in long languid licks. Dan let out a loud moan, the sensations so good. He could feel Tim’s scruff on his skin and it was tickling him in the best way possible.

“Cut!”

Dan groaned and fisted the sheets under him, his butt lifting in the air, chasing the pleasure he had once gotten.

“Okay, James, lift your butt up even higher so you are resting on your knees!”

Dan complied, lifting himself up higher and getting on his knees, spreading his legs out as far as he could before his knees fell from the side of the table.

“Okay, and now, James, relax your back to create an arch.”

Dan tried his best to do that as well but the awkward angle and lack of flexibility on his part made him ache. But he complied and not long after, the director yelled for the cameras to stop rolling again.

Within seconds of the cameras starting, Tim was back on Dan, licking him and nipping at his flesh. His hands reached out and grabbed for the first thing they could reach which happened to be the end of the table.

He could hear himself moaning but he didn’t realize he was making those noises. But as soon as the production had began, it seemed like they were yelling cut and forcing Dan to get up from his position with shaky legs and lay down on his back.

So now he was laying on his back, his eyes closed as instructed. He hears movement by his head and so he thinks to himself, _I can open my eyes and peak as to what is happening_. He slowly opens his eyes and nearly loses it.

There is a massive penis looming over his head, the balls nearly resting on his forehead. He swallowed harshly and shut his eyes just as quick as he had opened them. He tried to momentarily will that thought from his mind because it was completely nerve wracking to have a penis that close to his face.

And then there was light touch on his lips and he felt the weight of the cock on his lips. Suddenly, Tim was grabbing under his armpits and pulling him nearly off from the edge of the bed. Dan’s head hung off, the top of his head towards the floor. There was a near immediate pain and ache in his neck but it was so lessened when he felt pressure on his lips and he instinctively opened them and Tim slid himself into Dan’s mouth slowly.

“Oh, baby, just like that!” Tim cooed over Dan.

It was _so_ much and Dan had no idea how he was expected to take so much into his mouth without gagging. But he tried his damn hardest and he’s proud at the fact that he’s almost succeeded with taking all of Tim.

But that’s quickly stopped when Tim’s dick was no longer inside of his mouth, but now two perfect circular balls were instead. Dan sucked on each one, finding it hard to actually do anything pleasurable because he wasn’t experienced with this. It was over quickly though and he was then hearing footsteps move and the weight on his massage table shifting.

“Cut!”

Dan opened his eyes and stared straight ahead.

“Tim!” The director shouted. “Grab James’s legs and pull him to the end of the table. It’ll be easier for the starting position that way.”

_Oh fuck. It’s actually happening now._

Dan’s legs were suddenly grabbed and yanked forward, his body near hanging off from the table. Tim was passed the bottle of lube by the nearby cameraman and he was currently squeezing a copious amount on his cock, which was no also covered by a condom from what Dan could see. _Damn, Tim worked fast_.

“James,” Dan turned his head towards the director. “You’re ready right?”

Dan nodded his head.

“Good! Action!”

Without a second thought, Tim was nudging his rim and pushing in and the stretch was so massive that Dan flung his head back and gripped onto the edges of the table. He’d never felt anything so big in his life. Tim didn’t waste any time, he slowly began pumping as Dan rocked up and down the table, hearing the creaking legs under him.

He could feel the vibrations of moans coming out his throat like lyrics and the sound of them were even worse yet because he sounded like a _goddamn porn star._ He alternated between holding his breath and letting it go in loud ragged releases, mixed with whimpers. His entire body felt on fire and he knew from this day forward, he was going to always want a massive dick like Tim’s.

He didn’t know how long they fucked like that. It could have been minutes, it could have been hours, but he was soon being told to flip positions onto his stomach. He complied, quickly moving so he was bent over the table, his feet planted firmly on the floor. Tim took no time to reenter him. Just pushing in and thrusting as hard as he could, practically knocking over Dan and the table in the process.

Dan didn’t like this position as much. His dick was wedged between himself and the edge of the table and he couldn’t get any of his own pleasure like the other position had done. He felt like this one was a chore, just an entertaining way for viewers to get off by seeing his ass being pounded by a monster cock.

As Tim continued his thrusting, panting and mewling behind him, his hands gripping Dan’s sides so rough he swore he could feel his muscles bruise, he began to think of what they might call this movie online. _Tight Twink takes Monster Cock. Tight Twink Massage Leads to Massage with Monster Cock. Monster Cock Massage for Tight Twink._

“Oh baby, you’re so tight. Oh my God.”

 _Oh shit. That’s probably from not concentrating_.

“Switch positions!” The director yelled. “Tim, lay down on the table. James, ride him.”

Dan cocked an eyebrow and hissed as he felt Tim pull out of him. He watched Tim get up on the table and he climbed on after with shaking thighs. He slowly positioned himself over Tim, holding his cock in his hand as he slowly sank down and bit his lip, crying out.

He put his hands on Tim’s chest for leverage as he slowly moved, building up a rhythm. With his ex, he never rode him, so he wasn’t quite sure if he was doing it right, but he was trying and Tim was enjoying it.

Dan let himself be taken over as Tim grabbed his hips and began to slam into him, hitting his prostate relentless each time. He wasn’t going to last. He knew he wasn’t going to. But he wasn’t sure if he could cum so his entire body was flushed and on fire at trying to keep his orgasm at bay.

He looked down at Tim, his eyes glossed over as he pleaded for him to help him. He wasn’t given _any_ of these directions beforehand. “I wanna see you cum on my cock baby.” Tim cooed. “Wanna make you cum so fucking hard.”

And Dan did.

His climax powered through his entire body as he stilled, white spurting across Tim’s chest as he cried out, near sobbing at the pleasure. He felt Tim thrust into him a few more times before pulling out, pushing Dan backwards, and cumming all over Dan’s stomach.

Dan was too far gone. His body was blissed out and numb. He wanted to sleep and take a nap, curl up in his favorite blanket. But that reality was soon over as Tim smacked his ass and he jumped, nearly falling off from the table.

“You’re a good fuck, man.” Tim said. “I’m gonna request to do more shoots with you.”

Dan blushed, unsure of what to say as he was being handed a white robe to slip on to cover his modesty. Tim walked off the set way before Dan could formally say anything to him, so Dan just stood and waited as he was handed a wet wipe to wipe off his stomach.

He closed his robe, threw away the soiled napkin, and was ready to head off set when I spotted Phil. He had forgotten Phil was shooting him today. In an attempt to make up for their miscommunication the last time they met, Dan walked over to him, hugging his rube tighter over his chest.

“Hey.”

Phil looked up from his camera lens, looking at Dan before scoffing.

“What do you want?”

“I wanted to talk to you.” Dan said confused. “I thought maybe we could start over since you just filmed my scene.”

“I’m a cameraman in a porn studio. I’ve seen probably over a hundred guys get railed on the same massage table you just did.”

Dan felt the breath leave his chest.

“Why are you being so rude to me?” Dan asked. “I just want to talk and get to know some people on set.”

“Well, I’m the wrong person to get to know.”

Dan was about to retort and say something back when the director–which Dan still didn’t know the name of–interrupted them, calling to Phil.

“Hey Phil! We need you on set three in five minutes for the Mitchell and Logan shoot.”

Phil doesn’t say anything to Dan as he walks away. But to be fair, Dan didn’t really expect him to. Phil technically got the last word in before Dan could speak so he already had the satisfaction of hurting him.

Dan wished he didn’t feel this rejected from just a comment from someone he didn’t know. But he felt like he was in the modeling agency all over again where every waking minute you are judged.

Phil was judging him before he could even get to know him. And all Dan wanted to do was make friends on set.

“Hey, don’t pout.” Dan didn’t even realize he was.

Kellie was standing in front of him, her blue hair pulled tightly behind her head in a flawless sleek ponytail. “Phil is Phil and Phil is always going to be Phil. You can’t change him. But he’ll come around eventually. Believe it or not, he’s really popular among the actors. He is a really sweet and caring guy but he’s in a shell and you just need to break through it.” Kellie paused and held out a two slips of paper to him. “Jake wanted me to give you these. It’s your cut for both this shoot and your shoot from before. He has high hopes for you and so he’s paying you before your video is even released.”

Dan grabbed the checks from her and looked them over, reading that both were paid for the amount of $500 a piece. He felt his chest tighten. He was holding $1,000 in his hands right now. He couldn’t believe it had been that simple.

“Oh!” Kellie says interrupting his momentary happiness. “Your video will be ready for review by tomorrow so I’ll text you when they need you to come in and review it.”

Dan nodded and smiled at her. “Thank you.”

Kellie shook her head. “Don’t thank me.” She paused. “You’re free to go home by the way. I’ll text you if we need you for anything.”

Dan smiled at her, his cheeks hurting because he’s never smiled this hard in his entire life. He walked off from the set and headed back to the room where his clothes and belongings were. He quickly dressed and checked his phone before he folded the checks and put them in his pocket.

As he walked out of the house, he stared back at it. This was going to be his work from now on. He was scared at first but now going through his first shoot, he realized it could not possibly be worse–in fact, it only had to get better, right?

He turned on his heels and began to descend down the driveway when he heard the sound of moans coming from his right. He turned and looked, spotting Phil standing in a patch of tall grass with a camera in his hand as two guys began blowing each other.

He found himself watching Phil, the way he fluidly moved around the men to capture every angle. The way he made sure to not interrupt them. He was careful and gracious in his actions.

Dan scoffed at that.

_Maybe someday, his words will finally follow what he does._


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry in advance if any mistakes are made. I don't have a beta for this work so all are of my own accordance. I also apologize if I switch tenses, I do it subconsciously with whatever flows better in my head when I'm writing and sometimes I slip and I'll never catch it. But nevertheless, enjoy! I don't know when the next part will be out but I have all this upcoming week off so maybe I can bump out another 8k word part! haha
> 
> Warnings: alcohol usage (underage), onscreen sex with other people, mostly smut

**One Year Later**

Dan upped his moans as he was pounded forcefully from behind. 

In the span of one year, he’s found this position to be his favorite. Why? Because he found that sometimes getting lost in yourself was better than getting lost in someone else. 

The scene was nearly done. Dan was in his last position and he knew the guy behind him--Blake...Blade...Block--something like that, was nearing the end of his rope as his thrusts began to falter. He’d already came, twice now actually, and his body wasn’t going to produce a third. So he was just hanging on for the ride as he waited for Block to finish. 

He didn’t have to wait long. Block finished inside of him, much to Dan’s detest but he also knew it was part of the shoot and they were both tested and clean. He waited for him to pull out, letting the cameraman get a close up of his ass leaking cum--which to Dan was slightly gross but he wasn’t going to argue. He made more money having someone cum in his ass so he figured he might as well let it happen. 

The scene was over with now. And so Dan grabbed a towel, wiping his thighs and butt clean before yanking on his robe and tying it shut. He turned to Block and stuck out his hand. “Thanks for the great shoot.” 

Block smiled at him. “Thanks! I loved working with you!” 

Block began to walk out of the set when the director stopped him. “Blayne, can you be on set in about an hour? We just had a cancellation.” 

_ Ahh...so his name was Blayne. Not Block.  _

Dan made that mental note. 

“Hey Dan!” Dan turned towards the squeakiest voice who was none other than Kellie and flashed her a smile. He and Kellie had hit off really well over the last year. They spent most nights after shoots going to bars or cafes. “Are you doing anything later?” 

“Later as in tonight? Or later as in an hour?” Dan asked. 

“Tonight.” 

Dan thought back in his head. He was probably clear. He was clear most nights anyway. “Nah, I don’t think so.” 

“Good!” Kellie answered. “A new bar just opened up across town and I heard it’s really good and has a really friendly atmosphere so I figured we could check it out.” 

Dan shrugged. “I’m in.” 

“Cool!” She said. “I’ll text you later on the specific time.” 

Kellie turns to walk away when she suddenly stops and turns to face Dan again. “Oh, I forgot to mention, Phil is joining us.” 

Dan’s eyes bugged out his head. “Excuse me?” 

“Phil was mentioning how he never has anything to do since he and his boyfriend broke up so I invited him out.” Dan pouted. “Oh come on, you can’t hate each other  _ that _ bad. All he does is film your shoots.” 

“Yeah, but I don’t think he likes me.” Dan argued. 

“Phil doesn’t  _ not  _ like you. He just doesn’t know what to do with you yet.” 

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Dan cried in protest. 

Kellie shushed him. “Just show up tonight. Get a few drinks in ya, and get to know Phil. You’ll see what I mean.” 

“Fine.”

Kellie went to walk away again when she stopped once more. “Oh, and also, make sure you keep your fake I.D separate from your actual I.D this time. Don’t be an idiot.” 

Dan laughed to himself. He was 19, going on 20, and he had a fake I.D to get him into bars with his co-workers. He had read about it everywhere online how most college aged kids had one so he found someone who could make his own. But the first time he went to use it at a club, he forgot he had his other I.D sitting behind his fake one and let’s just say he didn’t make it into the club and had to get a new fake I.D. But he was determined to not make that stupid mistake again. 

Saying goodbye to the crew, he walked off set and headed off to get his clothes and his cell phone before leaving. He’s grown so used to this routine now, it was practically second nature. He still felt bad knowing he was lying to his parent’s and his friends back home in New York. He knew that they’d be disappointed if they heard he was doing porn which was why he was never going to tell them. 

He had these thoughts often as he wondered whether what he was doing was a good thing or not. Surely renting out your body to a company couldn’t be a good thing but to Dan, it was a confidence boost. He had a fake Twitter where he got messages all the time with people complimenting him on his videos or his pictures. He had an Instagram where he was nearing a million followers just because of his photos because people always loved him. And to him, that was enough. To have people finally look at you and tell you that you are good enough was far enough for him. 

He stood at the end of the driveway and called an Uber to come and pick him up. As he stood and waited, his phone vibrated in his hand and he looked down at it. 

**Kellie 1:10pm:** _ Phil said 8 works best for him so we’re meeting then.  _

**Dan 1:12pm:** _ Great _

**Kellie 1:15pm:** _ I can hear your sarcasm through your tone. Suck it up and show up, pouty.  _

**Dan 1:16pm:** _ Only if you buy the first round :P  _

**Kellie 1:17pm:** _ You got paid today, not me :P  _

Dan’s Uber driver arrived as soon as he read the last message and he laughed, getting into the car and traveling away. 

* * *

The last time Dan went to a bar, he was unprepared. He dressed up far too much, became an easy target for others, and he just didn’t want to go through that again. He looked and felt horribly out of place.

So tonight, he was changing it up. 

He put on his best pair of black skinny jeans, a new Givenchy sweater he had just bought, and called himself his Uber to take him to the other side of town to the bar. He felt better in these clothes because they were more him than the nice pair of dress pants and his fancy button down from the last time. 

Plus, he was low-key hoping to impress Phil. Not that he really needed to, but he really wanted to get on Phil’s good side. He’s noticed how much Phil interacts with everyone else on set and how easy a conversation flows with him, so it pisses him off to know he can’t have that either. 

But maybe tonight will be different. All he needs is a few drops of liquid courage and then he can fully talk to Phil, and hopefully without any altercations. Not like he and Phil really had any that much anyway. Phil filmed his shot, put his camera away, and then headed off to the next shoot. Dan hardly even spoke a word to him. They’d exchange a quick glance and that would be it. 

He arrived at the bar a lot sooner than he expected but he was happy to notice Kellie standing outside the doorway, a lit cigarette between her fingers. He walked over to her, about to make a snark reply about not seeing Phil when he spotted the dark haired male, walking towards them, the street lights reflecting off from his glasses.  _ Wait, Phil wore glasses?  _

“Hey Phil!” Kellie called out, waving her hand as a puff of smoke clouded the air from her lips. “How are you tonight?” 

Phil smiled at her, a genuine smile that Dan hadn’t seen him do. It was quite beautiful. His eyes squinted with crows feet and his tongue poke out a little beyond his teeth, but Dan found himself staring at him. 

“Could be better.” Phil commented. “Aaron stopped by to talk to me after my shoot and his words are still kind of getting to me so I’m ready to just relax and have a few drinks.” 

“We’re all still really sorry about, Aaron.” Kellie piped in as Dan listened. “No one knew he was going to pull the stunt that he did.” 

“Well, when you’re dating an ‘actor’, I guess it’s easy to remember that on top of sleeping with you, they’re also sleeping with everyone else by default.” Phil said, his voice harsh and crisp. 

Kellie stuck out her free hand and rubbed Phil’s arm gently. “Let’s head inside now, check our baggage at the door, and just have some fun.” 

Both Dan and Phil smiled at that. 

Kellie finished her cigarette and stumped out the butt on the ground before walking inside with Dan and Phil in tow. Instantly, Dan liked the atmosphere the bar was giving off. It was a nice glow of red lighting but also had an ambiance and soft playing music in the background. People were sat at pub tables and the bar, a few even in booths. But everyone was minding themselves and Dan liked this. He could live with this. It was nice and quiet. It was great. 

“Bar, table, or booth?” 

“Bar.”

“Booth.” 

Dan looked at Phil who just said bar and glared at him because he really wanted to sit in the booth. He liked booths best. But Kellie solved it for them. 

“Table it is then!” 

They headed to an open spot at the bar to order their drinks and found themselves sitting down in the seats and not moving, not even long after they had gotten their drinks. And that was mainly due to the amount of drinks Dan was already beginning to sip down. 

What started as one shot of tequila, ended up being three shot of tequila, and then when those were done, Kellie ordered him a cocktail that had tequila in and by then he was gone. Dan could feel his head begin to be fuzzy, his vision blurred, and his body numb. He needed to use the restroom, so he stood up to go but his legs didn’t work and he was buckling forward. 

But there was a pair of hands on him, holding him up and carrying him gently towards the restroom and helping him stand up long enough to pee. And all of that was fine until that set of hands was no moving him quickly out of the bar--much to Dan’s protesting--and shoving him in the passenger seat of a different car and he was being driven away. 

In hindsight, he should have fought whoever this was. He was clearly being taken somewhere, but unconsciousness was quickly beating out consciousness in a vicious battle and Dan passed out. His vision black and his body slumped forward. 

* * *

 

In the driver's seat, Phil is cursing to himself, running his fingers through his hair as he looked between the road and the passed out underaged man beside him. He should have stopped Dan, told him to stop drinking so much so fast but he knew in his head that Dan wouldn’t have listened anyway. He was stubborn like that. 

He told Kellie he needed to get Dan home. He hadn’t even spoken a word to Dan the entire night but damn it, he was not going to leave Dan to find his own ride when he couldn’t even stand long enough to piss out his liqueur. 

And Kellie wasn’t going to help him. She was too far gone as well and flirting it up with the female bartender on the other side of the counter. So that left Phil to do the job of cleaning up Dan’s mess...in a less vulgar way than he normally has to. 

He found Dan’s  _ I.D  _ laying on the counter so he grabbed it and punched in the address onto his phone, finding that it was close to where his own apartment was. He had no idea how he was going to get Dan even inside but he was going to try his best. 

He parked on the street with his tires a little bit too close to the curb and rushed out, nearly having his car door taken out by a maniac driver. Throwing open Dan’s door, he grabbed out the younger man, who was just dead weight at this point, and dragged him from the car to the front of the apartment building. 

He needed to wake up Dan to get his keys, so he tried shaking him and tapping his arms. “Dan? Dan! Wake up!” 

But Dan wasn’t waking. His eyes would crack open and then fall right back shut. Now Phil was pissed. Why was he pissed? Because he was going to have to feel up Dan to find his fucking keys,  _ that’s why he’s pissed.  _

He began to move his hands hesitantly down Dan’s hips, trying to feel for anything that feels like a key. But he’s suddenly stopped by a suddenly awake Dan. “What are you doing?” Dan cried. “Get your fucking hands off from me!” 

“Dan!” Phil began, “Calm down! Where are your apartment keys?” 

Dan looked up at Phil with eyes that only spelled  _ you are dead to me  _ as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a single black key on a keychain with an MCR foam accent on it. Phil chuckled to himself but didn’t dare to let himself laugh at loud. 

“Where are we going?” Dan asked him, standing up on tipsy legs as he began to ascend the stairs into the apartment building. 

“For one, your apartment.” Phil answered. 

“My apartment?” 

“Yes, Dan, you know the place you live you?” 

Dan nodded and then stilled, his body going rigid as he stood on the stairway and didn’t move. Phil went to push him gently to get him to when Dan released a torrent of vomit all over the pavement and stairs. 

Phil wanted to cry. He wanted to seriously just throw his hands up, walk to his car, and cry. Because not only does he have a drunk  _ kid  _ he has to get into an apartment, he now has a drunk  _ vomiting kid.  _

He waited behind Dan, patting his back as Dan coughed and finished emptying whatever contents were in his stomach onto the cement. And once Dan was done, Phil gently took him in his arms and helped him move languidly up the stairs and into the building. 

According to Dan’s key, he was apartment 40. So Phil took Dan into the elevator and punched floor four so they could get there. In the elevator ride, Dan mumbled to himself about random things that Phil didn’t quite get. But he was more concentrated on getting Dan to his apartment where if he’s going to vomit again, it’s going to be in his own place and not in a public elevator. 

When the elevator dinged, Phil gathered Dan and shuffled him down the hall to where it read apartment 40 and he shoved the key in the door, twisting every which way to get it to work. When the door finally opened, Phil breathed a sigh of relief before shoving Dan inside and pushing him towards the only room on the left that had a door besides the obvious bathroom. 

By now, Dan was nearly gone again, his eyes lidded and nearly closed. Phil set him down gently on his bed, shutting off any lights that were left on, and walking out, closing the door behind him. 

He was about to leave the apartment completely when he stopped. He couldn’t just leave Dan here not knowing how he got back. Dan wasn’t going to remember any of this in the morning. There was no way. 

So he walked into Dan’s kitchen, grabbed a napkin and a pen that was sitting on the counter, and scribbled a quick note. 

**Couldn’t hold your liquor could you? Too drunk to get home by yourself so I brought you back.**

**-Phil**

It was simple, straight to the point with a hint of humor that Phil liked to use. He capped off the pen, set the note on the counter, and walked out of the apartment, heading back to his car. 

* * *

 

When Dan woke up the next morning, the first thought that crossed his mind was  _ damn, this is a horrible headache.  _ He squeezed his eyes together tightly and fought off the nauseating pain before getting up to head to the bathroom to relieve his near bursting bladder. 

As he stood and began to walk, he realized he was still in his jeans and sweater from the night before. He didn’t even get undressed? He must have been out of it. He stripped of his jeans from his sore legs and tore of his sweater, replacing both for a pair of baggy sweatpants and shirt. He got to the bathroom and released his bladder before he opened the cabinet and took down two Ibuprofen for his headache. Once that was done, he quickly brushed his teeth to get rid of the God awful taste of stale vomit and headed into his kitchen. 

He was sore and he wanted to sleep for the entire day but he knew he couldn’t just do that. His stomach was half-growling and half-turning and he didn’t know whether he wanted food or just a coffee. So he settled on a granola bar for the time being. 

But as he reached the cabinet where he kept them, he noticed a crumpled napkin with smeared writing on his counter. He picked it up, curious as to what it said and read it over. His entire face fell when he finished it. 

_ Phil had taken him home last night.  _

He didn’t know how to feel about that at all. 

Did he and Phil  _ do  _ something last night? He didn’t feel like they did. 

He was still wearing all of his clothes so surely nothing happened. Phil must have just brought him home. By why would Phil do that? Phil didn’t like him. Why would Phil have cared whether or not he got home safely? 

He had to go and see Phil, ask him what went on last night. Why he felt so inclined to bring Dan home. Surely there must have been something rather than just wanting to do something  _ good.  _

Or maybe Dan was just in complete denial over Phil actually wanting to help him. 

Either way, he needed to message Phil. But he didn’t have his number and Phil didn’t leave it. He’d need to get it from someone else. He drummed his fingers on his countertop, his head going through every possible person from set he has the numbers of. 

Then it hits him. 

Kellie! He can just ask Kellie for Phil’s number! 

He rushed to his room and grabbed his phone from where it was laying on the floor, having fallen out of his jeans sometime between last night and this morning. He picked it up and looked at his notification screen. He had multiple texts from Kellie. 

**Kellie 2:32am:** _ Did you make it home?  _

**Kellie 2:57am:** _ Hey, Phil hasn’t text me. Did he get you home?  _

**Kellie 3:24am:** _ What the fuck, Dan! Answer me! I’m really worried here!  _

**Kellie 4:19am:** _ Ugh. Finally got ahold of Phil. He said he got you home a few hours ago. _

**Kellie 4:37am:** _ Text me when you wake up!  _

**Dan 11:42am:** _ Hey, I just woke up. Sorry for not answering you last night.  _

**Kellie: 11:45am:** _ You had me so fucking worried you idiot!  _

**Kellie: 11:45am:** _ You couldn’t even walk out of the fucking bar last night.  _

Dan cringed at hearing that. That must have been a sight...and a memory he will repress forever now. 

**Dan 11:47am:** _ I’m sorry!  _

**Dan 11:47am:** _ Can you give me Phil’s number? I want to text him about last night.  _

**Kellie 11:50am:** _ +12274189996 _

**Dan 11:51am:** _ Thank you! Once again, I apologize if I did anything stupid last night.  _

**Kellie 11:54am:** _ You didn’t but you know I would have gotten it on video if you did ;)  _

Dan laughed at Kellie’s message before clicking on Phil’s number and saving it in his phone. He quickly added the contact and formed a text message to Phil. 

**Dan 11:58am:** _ Hey, it’s Dan. Kellie gave me your number. I just wanted to formally apologize to you if I did anything wrong or weird. I don’t tend to ever get that drunk, trust me. And if I could remember any part of last night, I’m sure I’d be embarrassed. But I wanted to thank you for bringing me home. You didn’t have to and yet you did, it means a lot.  _

Dan hit send on the message and waited on baited breath...only to have a reply never come. 

* * *

 

The next day came and Dan picked himself up and headed off to set for his next shoot. He tried to act like Phil not answering him didn’t bother him but in truth, it hurt a lot. He knew that he and Phil didn’t exactly get along but he also didn’t expect for Phil to totally ignore him too. Especially when he didn’t even do anything  _ wrong.  _

And it wasn’t like Dan had asked Phil to take him home. Phil had done that on his own accord which is something totally different. Phil didn’t  _ have  _ to take him home. Phil didn’t  _ have  _ to make sure he got in his bed. Phil didn’t  _ have  _ to do anything and yet he had. So why is he ignoring Dan? 

Walking through the door, he made a direct beeline for the first shoot he saw, in hopes of seeing Phil but he wasn’t there. He headed to the next one and no such luck there either. So he finally gave up trying to find Phil himself and asked Meg, one of the make up artists that often did his makeup. 

“Do you know where Phil is?” He asked her. 

“He might be upstairs getting his camera set up. I know he’s here, I just can’t really tell you where.” 

Dan nodded and thanked her before heading to the stairs and rushing up them. He just really needed to talk to Phil. He had to. 

He got to the equipment room and looked inside the peak between the door and the frame and saw black hair pawing through a bag of camera chords. He opened the door and Phil jumped up, looking towards the door before scoffing and turning back to what he was doing. 

“You didn’t answer me yesterday.” Dan said. “So I’ll tell you in person. Thank you.” 

Phil shook his head, standing up straight with a black chord in his hands. “I don’t want it.” 

“A thank you?” Dan asked. “A thank you for saving me from being raped or molested by someone because I was drunk? You’re not going to accept it?” 

Phil shook his head. “I was only being a good samaritan, nothing more.” 

“That’s bullshit!” Dan screamed. “What do you have against me? I don’t get it!” 

Phil took a deep breath before he opened his mouth and let every unleash. “You’re irresponsible! Attention seeking! Every synonym of those two words! You’re arrogant and narcissistic! I’ve seen you shoot, you don’t care about anything but the money. You sit there like a glorified blow up doll because you’re no better than one. You think everyone owes you something and when the fact is that no one does.” 

“Where the fuck is this coming from?” Dan’s voice rose in pitch. “You don’t even fucking know me! I was just trying to be nice to you after what you did for me!” 

“But that’s the thing Dan.” Phil said. “I don’t need a thank you from you to know that what I did was justified. What I need is for  _ you  _ to realize that you’re not the center of attention around here.” 

“That has nothing to do with what I was talking about.” Dan cried, tears springing his waterline as he battled them back. He wasn’t going to cry angry tears in front of Phil. He wouldn’t. 

“It’s what needed to be said, Dan.” Phil said, picking up his equipment and walking past him. 

Dan stood there, a stray tear leaking down his cheek as he furiously wiped it away and sniffled, trying to not let his guard break. Phil didn’t even listen to anything he said. He just spewed hate that wasn’t even needed. 

And that hurt Dan more than the unaccepted apology. 

Thinking about, Dan didn’t even quite remember the rest of his day following his encounter with Phil. He had a mediocre shoot and then headed home to his apartment. He didn’t even remember what the shoot was or who he was shooting with, but in his mind, he didn’t quite care. And it was mostly due to the underlying reasoning that he was upset with Phil. 

All he wanted to do was be friends with Phil in the beginning but it’s becoming increasingly clear that it’s never going to happen. And that hurts Dan--a lot. Because Dan, although he’d never admit it out loud, he had this weird battle within himself to gain Phil’s attention. He wanted nothing more for Phil’s approval and he had no idea where this stemmed from. 

As he sat in his apartment, his legs thrown over the arm of his couch, he scrolled on his computer and went through all of his social media pages. He started a Twitter for his porn side around six months ago and he’s already got over 100k followers, which is a lot for his profession, and he receives comments every day about his work. So why he is so  _ fucking  _ hung up on winning Phil over? 

He groaned to himself and closed his Twitter tab, typing into his search bar to go to his personal Facebook instead. But from a slip of the fingers on his keyboard, the word  _ Tumblr  _ appeared and he froze. He hadn’t been on his Tumblr in over a year now. He used it as a way to gain followers from his photos and headshots. And he succeeded pretty fast, gaining nearly 10k in the entire time he had his Tumblr available. 

But he hasn’t been on this website in such a long time. He let the window open and he was faced with the login screen. Drumming his fingers on the edge of his laptop, he typed a few wrong passwords before getting the correct one and putting it in. He watched as the screen loaded and his dash came into view. However, that wasn’t the first thing he saw. The first thing he saw was his inbox had reached its limit. 

He clicked on the envelope icon and opened it up. Soon he was flashed with all anonymous messages displayed on his screen. 

**OMG are you James Colin the pornstar?**

**I saw a pornstar that looked just like you!**

**Where have you been?**

**Are you doing porn now??”**

They basically all said the same thing and reading them caused Dan’s heart to race.  _ How did they find him?  _ He began to feel the breath in his chest shorten and he quickly scrolled through all of them, only to find that the further he went down, the worse they got. Without a second thought, he hit command and w on his keyboard and watched the screen disappear to show the wallpaper of his family dog instead. 

His sat back, breathing heavy, his anxiety spiked. He couldn’t ever go on Tumblr again knowing others knew of his porn background. He needed to just delete his entire blog and move on. But he couldn’t find it in himself to reopen Tumblr and click the delete button. Instead, he shut down his laptop, stood up from the couch, and headed to his bedroom instead. He would rather just sleep the day away instead of dwelling on everything that’s already happened. 

* * *

 

Dan dreaded knowing that he had to go to another shoot. It wasn’t that he didn’t like the shoot, but he was more or less afraid of having to confront Phil. He wanted nothing more than for Phil to like him but nothing was working out for him in that regard so he was ready to just hang up in the towel and move on. 

Arriving on set, he was immediately sat down for his makeup and he was getting different costumes thrown at him for his scene: apparently it was a cliche college scene which Dan had done plenty of. But as he had different jean styles and shirts thrown at him, he found himself looking around, searching for the tall raven haired man that he was trying to avoid. 

With a tap on his shoulder telling him his makeup was done, Dan stood up and headed off to the dressing room to get into his clothing. Normally by now, he would have seen Phil stood somewhere in view, getting his camera ready or doing something of that nature. But today, he didn’t see him anywhere. 

He headed off to set when he was done hydrating his muscles and cleaning himself out one last time. He stepped into the small bedroom and looked around, knowing that Phil  _ had  _ to be in here somewhere. But alas, Phil was not there. He was literally nowhere to be seen. 

Dan turned to the director, looking at him for a second before speaking. “Where’s Phil?” 

The director cocked his eyebrow. “Phil? Oh, Phil! He asked to be placed in a different department.” 

“A different department?” Dan questioned. “What do you mean?” 

The director shrugged. “He asked to work with different shoots so we placed him with our sister company.” 

“So he’s not going to be filming any of my shoots anymore?” Dan asked, his voice wavering slightly. 

The director shook his head. “Nope. He’s filming our straight shoots now.” 

Dan didn’t have anything else to say. In an odd way, his chest tightened and he felt as if he  _ could  _ cry. He didn’t understand why this was a big deal to him but he’s had Phil to look over his shoots since he’s began so the fact that he’s not here anymore to do his scenes was making him incredibly upset. 

But he tossed off that overwhelming feeling of disappointment and tried to his best to perform well during his shoot...except nothing goes according to plan, does it? He underperformed, not even hardly holding an erection the entire time. It wasn’t from the other actor, Damien was doing fine as well as sex goes, but all Dan could think about was that there was one less familiar cameraman watching him. 

He tried to ignore the way the director yelled at him so loudly after his shoot that he flinched. He tried to ignore the pang in his chest when the director told him they were cutting his pay for this shoot. He tried to think past the director telling him that if he didn’t do a stellar performance next shoot that they’ll remove him from the websites elite performers page. 

Dan left the room with his head down low and his body slumped. He felt some moisture on his cheeks and he knew it wasn’t sweat. He wiped his skin, furiously dabbing away the moisture that was pooling on his cheeks. He didn’t want anyone to see him cry like this--over such a  _ stupid  _ reasoning. 

Kellie spotted him right away and pulled him off to the side, pulling him in for a tight hug. “Oh, Dan, what happened?” She cooed. 

“I didn’t perform well and the director was mad at me.” Dan said simply. There was no use expanding on the information that was already clear to see. 

Kellie pulled away and rubbed her hand up and down his arm, squeezing gently. “Do you want to go out for lunch?” She asked. “I can take you to your favorite vegan place in town.” 

Dan shrugged and then nodded. “Okay.” 

Kellie’s lips tightened into a small smile. “Okay, big guy, let’s go.”

* * *

 

“So what  _ really  _ happened during your performance today?” Kellie asked him as she took a spoonful of the butternut squash soup she ordered past her lips. “It’s not like you to get in trouble with the director.” 

“Phil isn’t doing my shoots anymore.” 

“What?” 

“Phil told the director he wanted to be moved somewhere else so they moved him to our sister company. He doesn’t want to film me anymore.” Dan said. “He told the director he wanted to be somewhere else so…” 

“But why?” Kellie asked, setting her spoon down on her napkin. 

Dan shrugged, his fingers moving the bread on his sandwich back and forth of the lettuce. “I don’t know. He won’t ever talk to me.” 

“Text him now!” Kellie said, motioning to Dan’s phone sitting on the ledge of the table. 

“He won’t answer me.” Dan said, picking up his phone anyway. “Besides, even if he did, what would I tell him? Or even ask him? ‘Oh hey, noticed you weren’t working my shoots anymore, what gives?’ Kellie, this is a horrible idea.” 

“Phil isn’t that bad of a guy, Dan.” Kellie added quickly. “I promise you he’s a really sweet guy. I don’t know what his issue is with you, honest to God I don’t. But you’re both my friends and I want you guys to work it out. Civilly. So just text him and ask him nicely why he dropped your shoot. You don’t have to make it mean.” 

Dan sighed, knowing he wasn’t going to win this fight against Kellie. He unlocked his phone and opened his message app, typing in Phil’s name and beginning the text: 

**Dan 2:35pm:** _ Hey, it’s Dan.  _ _ I just  _ _ I noticed that you weren’t at my shoot today and I  _ _ wanted _ _ was curious as to why.  _

Dan set his phone face down on the table and began to pick at his sandwich again on his plate. He knew he wasn’t going to get a text back so it was completely stupid to have even sent one in the first place. 

He picked up his sandwich and took a shallow bite at the same time his phone vibrates loudly against the glass table. He dropped his sandwich back onto the plate and picked his phone back up as fast as his reflexes allowed. 

**Phil 2:42pm:** _ It’s complicated  _

“Was that Phil?” Dan nodded. “What did he say?” 

“It’s complicated.” 

Kellie rose her eyebrow. “It’s complicated? What? What the hell is that supposed to mean?” 

Dan shrugged. “What do I even say back to that?” 

“Just ask him what he means by that.” Kellie suggested. 

**Dan 2:50pm:** _ What do you mean?  _

Dan set his phone back down on the table, his appetite completely gone as he mulled over thoughts in his head about whether or not he should try and eat his sandwich anyway. 

**Phil 2:52pm:** _ This isn’t a conversation to have over text.  _

**Dan 2:53pm:** _ Well, you weren’t too keen on having a conversation with me in person either.  _

**Phil 2:54pm:** _ This is a conversation that works better if we’re in private.  _

**Dan 2:56pm:** _ So what do you want to do then?  _

**Phil 3:00pm:** _ Can I meet you at your apartment tonight?  _

Dan looked up from his phone and swallowed nervously. “Phil wants to meet me at my apartment tonight.” 

Kellie smirked. “Are you going to meet up with him?” 

Dan nodded. “I feel like it’ll be the only way for us to patch things up between us. He said this conversation is better to do in person than over text.” 

“Hm...didn’t expect you to allow Phil into your pants so early on.” 

Dan let out a long breath through his nose. “Kellie! This is serious!” 

She giggled and sighed. “Chill. I know, Dan. Just trying to lighten up the mood a little bit. Meet up with him  tonight, talk it out, and see where it gets you. That’s literally all you can do.” 

Dan nodded and bit his lip. He looked back down at his phone and quickly typed a message: 

**Dan 3:03pm:** _ Does 8 work?  _

**Phil 3:03pm:** _ Yes.  _

**Phil 3:04pm:** _ Send me your address _

Dan quickly typed in his address and set it to Phil, feeling himself now smiling a little bit. Hopefully he and Phil can talk it out and figure out what circumstances are forcing them to be like this. 

He finished his sandwich not long after and said his goodbyes to Kellie before he caught a cab back to his apartment where he began to prepare for Phil’s arrival in just a few short hours. 

* * *

A knock on his front door appeared exactly at 8pm. Dan slowly stood up from his couch where he had been lounging and looking through his social media, so to hear the knock on his door instead of the ringing to let someone in startled him. When he opened the door, Phil was stood on the other side, a pair of black skinny jeans and a blue zip up hoodie clothing his tall frame.

“Hey,” Phil began, “There was someone downstairs and I think they thought I lived here because they let me in with no question.” 

Dan found this to be the most casual sentence Phil had ever said to him. “Oh, that’s nice. Um...do you want a drink?” 

Phil shook his head. “I’m good right now.” Dan just stood awkwardly in front of him. Unsure of really what to do now. He’s exhausted all of his options for inviting guests over because typically the guest would have accepted a drink and  _ damn it Phil is making this difficult on him.  _ “Can I come in?” 

Dan’s eyes widened and he quickly side stepped out of the way. “Yes, of course. I’m so sorry. I don’t typically have people in my apartment.” 

Phil smirked at him and then turned his head as he walked inside, following Dan to his breakfast bar in his kitchen where they both took a seat. 

“So…” Phil began. “I should probably explain to you why I stopped doing your scenes.” 

“We’re jumping right in, aren’t we?” Dan asked with a nervous laugh. 

“Well, the tension between us is only going to get worse if I don’t.” Phil spoke sharply. “It’s just that...you’re different, Dan.” 

“How so?” He asked. 

“You’re far too good and innocent to be in such a horrendous profession.” Phil said softly. “The minute I saw you I knew that the industry was going to destroy you. It destroys a lot of people. I have a masters degree in video production and here I am just in a cycle of filming porn and editing porn.” Phil paused. “But I could have dealt with that forever until  _ you  _ came along and changed my perspective.” 

Dan felt his throat tighten. “How could you say that when you don’t even know me?” 

“That’s the thing, Dan. You’re right, I  _ don’t  _ know you. But I’ve been filming you naked having sex with random guys once a week for the past year so I feel like that qualifies to me to know you a little bit.” 

Dan swallowed harshly. “I don’t understand…” 

“When I see you, Dan, I don’t see someone who should be where you are. I see a promising young adult who can do so much  _ more  _ with their life than spend a good chunk of it doing porn. But then other times, I see in your eyes that you don’t care about that. You’re getting attention, you’re getting money, and you’re getting everything you  _ should  _ have been getting as a model. But to be frank with you Dan, I think you’re a good guy who’s turning bad at the hands of this god damn industry.” 

Dan sat back on his stool, feeling like the wind had been knocked out of him. It was so much to process and he didn’t even know where to begin. “Where did all of this come from?” 

Phil shrugged. “I don’t know.” Phil paused. “I just look at you and see promise of a better future.” 

“I had some promise once.” Dan said, his fingers drumming on his thighs. “But modeling is hard. They wanted too much that I couldn’t give them anymore.” 

Phil sighed. “I know I’ve been too harsh on you lately. Kellie’s been yelling at me about it for weeks now. But it’s just that, when I see you, I become defensive. I just don’t understand how someone like you can still perform in the industry. You’re young. You can go to college or try your hand at another modeling agency.” 

Dan shrugged his shoulders. “But I don’t want to do any of that though.” 

“I wasn’t saying you had to drop it all.” Phil said. “I’d be hypocrite if I was. But you do deserve more than what this industry can offer you. I know you can go and become someone even better than what you actually are.” 

Dan looked up at Phil for the first time since he had begun talking. He found himself staring directly in his blue eyes, swallowing him up like an ocean. 

“What kind of things to do you like to do outside of shooting?” 

Dan found himself snapping out of his locked gaze to now stare at Phil who was smirking. He had changed the subject so fast that Dan almost didn’t pick up on it. “Huh?” 

“Well, four out of five days during the week you’re not on set so what do you like to do?” 

Dan thought--actually had to sit and think--about what he did in his spare time. Well, he normally sat on his laptop, watched Netflix, or played video games. So that’s something he could mention? 

“I like to play video games sometimes.” He says instead. 

“Oh yeah?” Phil asked. “What games do you like?” 

Dan smiled. “The Final Fantasy games, Zelda, Mario Kart, and Fallout are the ones that come to mind.” 

“Ooh, all good picks. Have any here? We could play something?” Phil suggested. 

Dan shook his head. “All of my gaming systems are back home in New York.” 

“You’re from New York?” Phil asked. 

Dan nodded. “Yeah, near Brooklyn.” Dan paused. “Why are you suddenly being so nice to me?” 

“Because I realized I was a jerk before I need to make up for it.” 

Dan smirked. 

This wasn’t a direct friendship between them, but it was the beginning of something starting to bud. 

**Author's Note:**

> Check out my Tumblr [lilacskylester](https:/lilacskylester.tumblr.com) for updates!


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